Friday, February 25, 2005

Snarky Dialogue

One of the advantages to being snarky is that it's been easy for me to write snarky dialogue for my characters. Here are a couple examples:

Marci Duchamp, momentarily stymied by who to call and share what happened to Maya, decides to call saintly Lorraine "Ma" Carter.
    “Ma,” she said, “I know you disapprove of gossip, but this is a miracle.”

    “What’s so miraculous about gossip?” the elderly lady asked.

Later Maya's mother calls her ex when she finds out that he's been given a particularly wrong version of events. As they are adults, Richard and Geri use "adult" language -- beware!

    Almost as soon as he had hung up the phone and put the cover back on the Stihl, his phone rang.

    “What is it, you bastard?” Daniels answered, assuming it was Jackman, that he had been screening his calls.

    “Nice mouth, you ass. Remind me why I divorced you again?”

    “What the hell is it, Geri? Rubbing it in that I can’t protect my family?”

    “You are an ass, aren’t you? I called because I just got off the phone with Ted Torgenson who said he’d called you. I asked him what version of the story he’d told you, and when I found out I figured I’d better set you straight before you went and pulled some moronic stunt that would humiliate Maya.”

    “What the hell are you talking about?”

    Geri filled him in with the correct version of events, particularly on how Maya got hit: Not by a swerving Mercedes, but by riding her bike across the street in the middle of the block, forgetting that there was no longer a stop sign on Pine at Sixth St.

    “Well, that’s not what I heard.”

    “I know, you idiot. That’s why I called you, Dick.”

    “Well, I wasn’t going to do anything stupid, like you thought. I’m not as dumb as you like to think I am.”

    “Yeah, right.”

    “Is there anything else or are you done riding my butt?"

    “Yes, since your daughter is still alive, don’t be late with child support this month.”

Granted, it's not Chaucer and it could use some non-dialogue-oriented narration, but I like the snippiness of it all.